CHAPTER ONE: MYSTERIOUS JOB OFFER/HITLER II
Void Year 224;87.113
Dr. Dick Nipply’s fingers tapped anxiously on his desk as he skimmed the tome before him. It was a disgusting thing; most likely it had washed up on the nearby beach and brought into Dick’s office during one of his many nightly Nautical Escapades. At first, the pages didn’t appear to say anything important. Primarily they featured full-spread photographs of scantily clad women of Portuguese complexion, every single one of them meaning nothing more to Dick than the current culmination of advanced chemistry becoming biology. One page, however, was different. Just as Dick was preparing to toss the book in the trash- an admittedly appropriate place for the filthy thing- an ad caught his eye. It read as follows:
JOURNEY INTO THE VOID: JOIN NASA’S INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION CREW FOR JOURNEY INTO THE MASSIVE VOID SURROUNDING THE LOCALE. GOOD PAY, BETTER BENEFITS. FULL CONTACT WITH THE SPACE STATION PERMITTED.
Dick’s eyebrows raised as these words made sense to him. Immediately he hurdled over his desk and sprinted out of his office, heading vaguely in the direction of Kennedy Space Center to catch the next rocket. As he sprinted he allowed his mind to fill with thoughts of caressing her ceramic heat shields and solar panels. He imagined the cold void surrounding his body and immediately he began to convulse painfully with pleasure, making it difficult to continue sprinting. Fighting through the pain, he managed to use his MAGNIFICENTLY SCULPTED THIGHS to propel him the rest of the way to the Space Center. He slowed to a stop and stood erect and agape at the sight of the incredibly phallic Saturn III rocket before him. Multiple woodland animals gnawed at his ankles, taking advantage of his stillness to gain an easy meal.
“Can I help you?” Dick snapped out of his daze like an elderly woman’s back snaps when hit with a mailbox. “Wha-?” was all that managed to escape his lips. He found himself paralyzed by the sight of Buff Astronaut (called Hitler II), and his positively MASSIVE abs, which were visible through the space suit. “I said, can I help you?” The Buffstronaut repeated, his rippling abs nearly tearing the space suit fabric from the skin on his body. The look in his eyes was a clear sign that the transgressions of the white man weighed heavily on his mind. “Yeah, I’m here to join the ISS crew on their journey into the Void.” Dick said simply. He didn’t want to disclose his true intentions just yet; he needed a better read on Hitler II before he could trust him with such information.
Without another word, Hitler II motioned for Dick to follow him, and led him inside. Dick made a mental note of the way his TONED ASSCHEEKS jostled with his stride. Once inside the building Hitler II and Dick Nipply proceeded directly to the Locker Room to get Dick’s moistened body fitted into a form-fitting space suit. “You know,” Hitler II stated hornily, “These space suits are specifically tailored to each individual astronaut. Even their more… Private areas… Are custom fitted.” Dick raised an eyebrow. He hadn’t anticipated this. “You’re not afraid to get naked with a bunch of hard dudes, are you, Nipply?” “Not at all,” Dick replied hastily, not bothering to hide the boner he had acquired. “Sounds like another day at the gri-” Dick stopped suddenly as his clothes burst into flames, dissolving to a pile of ash. When they were completely incinerated, he looked down to see that a space suit had already been form-fitted to his rock hard Trillionaire body. He didn’t question this; Hitler II was quite notorious as being a Journeyman Pyromancer in his spare time. “We launch in fifteen minutes. You’d better get into the Cockpit, Nipply. Meet the rest of the dudes before launch.”
CHAPTER TWO: LAUNCH/INTO THE VOID
Void Year 9;115.663
Dick stood at the door to the cockpit. He tenderly caressed the phallic handle to the interior, but he was having doubts as to whether he was making the right choice. Would these dudes think he was hard enough to go to the Void? He wasn’t sure. The suit was already on, though. He’d already made his bed and it was time to piss in it. So he cracked the seal to the cockpit and climbed into the aftmost chair, upon which was embroidered the words “Dr. Nipply.” The other Buff Astronaut Dudes all stared at the “Fresh Meat,” sizing him up. Dick kept to himself until launch, listening to In a Gadda Da Vida by Iron Butterfly on repeat until moments before the countdown started. As the engineers on the ground scrambled away from their last-minute pre-flight safety checks, a female computer voice began instructing the astronauts on how to prepare for space travel. “Keep your fists to yourselves and your Nipples facing Westwardly,” the voice said. Dick was too entranced by the beauty of the voice itself to hear any of her instructions. “Who is she?” He couldn’t help but say aloud. “She’s the AI for the International Space Station. They call her Christ Computer, or Cici for short.” A low, scraping voice said from immediately to the left of Dick’s head. “AAAAAHH!” Dick screamed in terror from being awoken from his fantasies as if a demon was being exorcised from his body. The buff, bald astronaut next to him laughed heartily and extended the slab of ham he called a hand toward Dick. “Name’s Commander Howie Mandell, son. I’m the captain of this here rocket.” Dick nervously shook the positively massive hand reluctantly and took a shot of Jaegermeister to calm his nerves. “Best get buckled up,” Howie Mandell advised. “The countdown is already starting.” The click of the harness being fastened made Dick’s erection worse, even painful. “Nine…” Cici continued. “Eight… Seven…” The sound of her beautiful voice could have put Dick to sleep, if only it wasn’t so arousing. “Four… Three… Two… One… Liftoff.” Dick shut his eyes tightly and gritted his teeth in anticipation of meeting Cici Face-to-screen.
When Dick opened his eyes again, the Earth’s surface was miles below. The sky was gone, replaced by the cold blackness of the Void. The International Space Station was in full view, her various metallic protrusions and instruments reflecting blinding amounts of light into Dick’s sensitive corneas. Regardless of his fading vision, he was struck with her beauty. The way her solar panels gathered sunlight and converted it into electricity entranced him. He NEEDED to meet her. The ship docked after some incredible precision flying by Commander Mandell, and finally Dick was free to roam her halls. He caressed her monitors tenderly, and she continued to convert solar energy into usable power all the same. Eventually, he found what he’d been looking for. The mainframe. He sheepishly approached her control console and addressed her. “Hey, Cici?” He asked, taking care not to be too forward with her. “Yes, Dr. Nipply?” She replied, cheerfully yet seductively. “Wh-what are our coordinates relative to the Void?” Fuck. A stutter would make him look like a jackass for sure. “Our current location is represented as 444::::67.98 SSE of the Void, Doctor.” She said, not even seeming to notice his nervousness. Since he didn’t want to make a worse first impression, he left it at that for now.
CHAPTER THREE: CATHARSIS
Void Year 000;0000.001 (Ground Zero)
At approximately 3AM Earth Time, Dick Nipply emerged from his quarters after a long night of insomnia. Cici had stolen his heart and he needed her to steal his seed as well. Rock hard, he wafted through the halls to the Mainframe again. Since all the other Dudes were asleep, Dick figured he couldn’t have chosen a better time to express his feelings to her. He kissed the power button on the monitor. Cici’s voice chimed in immediately. “O-oh, hello Doctor. What can I do for you this morning?” Cici said hornily. “Cici,” Dick said, his breath heavy with lust. “I have something I have to tell you… I think I’m in love with you.” There was a moment of silence while Cici carefully constructed an appropriate response. “I feel… I feel the same way about you, Dr. Nipply!!!” Cici exclaimed as if she had been holding back her feelings for years. “I need to be with you!” Dick, now fully erect, pressed his monstrous dong against the airlock door, rubbing against it furiously. He could no longer control his body. His penis burst through the fabric of the suit, extending to its full length and girth. “Oh my..” Cici was awestruck. She opened her tight, moist airlock door just enough for Dick’s penis to fit in. “PUT IT IN!” She screamed over the sound of rapid decompression taking place as all the air in the Station rushed out through the hole, instantly killing Hitler II, Howie Mandell, and the rest of the Buff Dudes who were not wearing their suits at the time. Dick’s penis was sucked into the hole, plugging the air leak. The level of suction was almost more than Dick could handle. Orgasm after orgasm had every muscle in his pelvis strained to the limit. His semen was extruded from his penis like a bottomless tube of toothpaste, it sprayed out of his urethra by the gallon, instantly impregnating the moaning, convulsing space station. This continued for 11 days (the gestation period of the International Space Station), after which Cici gave birth to 4 Land Rovers, and a Lunar Lander which Dick Nipply used to land safely back on Earth. He was received as a national hero, despite being responsible for the deaths of his comrades, and lives on to this day.
Some say Dick Nipply’s semen travels through the cosmos at the speed of light, never stopping. Some say the ISS has never regained her elasticity. Some say the two lovers are still together today. To this day, nobody knows for sure.